What's the matter with mummy?

Do you remember when you were young, single, self assured, clean? Do you remember what it felt like when you realised that these were things of the past ... at least for the next 20 years? I do, it felt like someone had died!

When you're pregnant with your first child you're just floating along, waiting for your little angel to be born. You're most worried about the whole 'birth' bit, then there's the bit about missing some sleep that you've been warned about and someone mentioned that breastfeeding can be painful. Little people also go through developmental stages like teething and tantrums and things. These are the things you worry about when you're pregnant.

The birth thing is painful and difficult but you know what? You'll get over it ... you'll do it ... one way or another, that baby's comin outa there.

I've spoken with plenty of mums, and you know the hardest thing about being a mum is just keeping it all together. We're all so damn proud that it's hard to admit but WE'RE HAVING TROUBLE. Do you realise that even with plugged in dads who are helping more with the kids and around the house, even with the life saving gift of daycare, even with books and washing machines and dishwashers we're doing it tougher than at any time in history when it comes to simply raising a family.

From caveman times we lived in groups, this group, tribe, clan, village was made up of families, grandma's, aunties, sisters, cousins who lived together and helped each other EVERY DAY to care for the children, prepare the meals, clothe and clean and teach and support. Today we might have someone down the road who will take the kids for an hour or two once a week, mum might be able to help out on Tuesdays. It's not enough. It's not enough help if you are going to work and shop and cook and clean and take Johny to soccer and Jodie to ballet and be active on the school P&C then hubby gets home, all amorous, and wants some lovin too!

It comes as a blow when you realise that being a mum is full time, you can't just stop at the shop for some milk without dragging Johny and Jodie and baby all into the shop (will we walk and risk public embarrassment, or will we take the car, where there will be screaming and tantrums at being put in and taken out but it's in the privacy of our own little bubble where only I have to deal with it?).

Some mums grieve the loss of their careers, and more so the feeling of independence, I relate to this one really strongly, and no matter what my husband says about his money being our money I still grieve the loss of Independence because I hadn't had to rely on anyone but myself since I'd left home and started working.

No wonder incidences of post natal depression are soaring. It's like a sea out there with millions of little islands and no boats, we're all so isolated.

Don't be scared, speak out, we'll laugh with you, I promise we won't judge.